How to Build Confidence at Any Age

What is confidence and why is it important to help children develop it at a young age?

By Monica Gibson

According to the dictionary, confidence is: “a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.” Helping children develop confidence requires that we provide our youngsters with opportunities to understand their developing abilities and appreciate that failure is not just ok, but an essential step in building confidence.  

There are different types of confidence - athletic, academic, social, and artistic are just a few. How do we raise children that develop a healthy sense of confidence, which will allow them to navigate social encounters, new activities and school with comfort and a sense of ease? It is rare that anyone feels confidence in all areas of life, but an overall sense of confidence allows us to try new things, engage with others and find our personal strengths.

When we look at someone that we see as confident, what do we see? 

We see someone that speaks to others with ease. We see someone who is willing to try something new. We see someone who excels in an academic subject or at a sport. We see someone that doesn’t quit when something doesn’t work out because they have the confidence to try again. What can we do at home to help our children develop into young people, and eventually adults, with the confidence needed to find success at school, in extra-curricular activities, in social situations and in everyday interactions?

Modeling at Home

The first step to instilling confidence is modeling it at home. Children naturally mimic adult behavior so sharing what you do to be more confident in a situation is an easy way to help children learn about becoming confident themselves. Making a presentation for work or meeting a new client?  Mention that you are nervous or anxious about the encounter. Share what you are doing to get prepared so that you can have the best outcome. Maybe you are doing some research, practicing your pitch in front of a colleague or the mirror; whatever it is, let your child know that being confident in a situation is often about being prepared.

This lets your child know it’s ok to be nervous before taking on a challenge and that preparing for that challenge will help you feel more confident. Over a family meal, share your success, or your failure. If it went well, you have modeled steps you have taken to have confidence and how that confidence led to a great outcome.  If it didn’t go as you hoped, it’s ok to share that, too. Children need to see that failures can be overcome. Life is full of failure. It’s how we regroup and move on that leads to future success and even greater confidence.

Ability to Make Choices

Another way to instill confidence is by giving your child the ability to make choices.  All too often, in a very busy world, we make all the choices for young people because it’s easier and faster. We pick the meals, the outfits, the activities. Some of that is necessary but it can also lead to children who struggle to make any choice when given options even in the simplest situations.

“What would you like to drink?” when asked by a server becomes a scary question rather than an easy choice. If children don’t have the experience making their own choices, they could worry their answer will be “wrong.” By not allowing them to make choices, they may not have confidence in their ability to navigate seemingly easy tasks, simply because we haven’t built in the experiences for them as frequently as we can. 

Some easy ways to build in choice:

• Let your child help choose the fruits and veggies for the week when you are at the store. If you don’t shop together, let them help add items to the shopping list.

• When planning weekend activities, let them know 2-3 things you are considering and let them choose one.

• Let each child choose a game for family game night.

• On Sunday, choose 5-6 outfits for the school week. Each morning, they can pick from one of the available outfits.

• Have school snack choices in an accessible place and let your child add the appropriate number of snacks to their lunch box at night or in the morning.

• At a restaurant, encourage your child to say their own order.

As your child gets older, and the stakes are higher, they will have the confidence that they can make a choice and if the choice doesn’t work out, there is often the option to try again another day. 

Playing Games Together

Another way to build confidence at home is through game play. Candy Land, Uno, Dominoes and Go Fish, are all great ways to build confidence with young children. When learning a new game, we are often unsure of ourselves and don’t feel comfortable until we fully understand the rules and the strategies necessary to be successful. Each time you play, your child will become more confident. 

During game play, you will get to see how your child responds when they are unsure of themselves or when they are losing. This provides you another opportunity to model how to manage those emotions appropriately.  We often want the child to win all the time because we know it will make him or her feel good but teaching children that it’s ok to lose is actually more important. Failing at something can be upsetting and often the fear of failure leads to a lack of confidence and avoidance. When we make failure an opportunity to learn a new strategy and grow, we give children the resilience to try again. 

All of this confidence building should be followed up with authentic and valid praise. Compliment good choices, acknowledge growth, use modeling to show how you can win or lose with grace and good sportsmanship.  Over time, these strategies will help your child learn the value of preparation, the power of choice, give them the courage to try new things and give them the resilience to keep trying until they succeed.  

About the Author:

Ms. Monica Gibson, a dedicated elementary school teacher with over three decades of experience, is known for her innovative teaching methods and her deep commitment to fostering a love of learning in her students. With a background in early childhood education, Ms. Gibson brings creativity, compassion, and a keen understanding of child development to her classroom. Her regular column offers insightful tips and advice for parents, tackling everything from educational strategies to navigating the challenges of modern parenting. Through her writing, Ms. Gibson aims to bridge the gap between home and school, ensuring every child has the support they need to succeed.